


Vergissmeinnicht

by YourShadow



Series: Schadenfreude [5]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Another sad one, Feels, Journal, Letters, M/M, Someone dies, oh no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-04 21:04:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1793188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourShadow/pseuds/YourShadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armin is a brainiac who doesn't want to be forgotten. Erwin just wants his name among the stars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vergissmeinnicht

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Still do not own Attack on Titan.
> 
> Warning: Character death, mentions of/implied death. Feels.
> 
> Inspired by the notion some people have that Armin is the narrator of Attack on Titan.

_Forget me not_  

Every day, Armin wrote in his journal.

He was determined to leave behind a legacy, to give humanity’s future a reference of their past, to tell their story to those who would listen. He couldn’t leave any details out. He couldn’t keep the world in the dark about its history, like the government has tried to do. It was horrifying to think they would survive this only to have nothing to show for it later.

_I dreamed today. It was about the ocean again. I can’t wait to see the water. I hope one day we can go together, Eren, Mikasa, and I, to feel the sand between our toes. I really want to see the expressions on their faces. More than that, I want us to have that freedom and hope. If we could see the ocean, maybe the titans would no longer be a threat. Or we would at least be away from this place. Maybe I can only see it in my dreams. Even then, it’s worth it._

It wasn’t just about being remembered. Armin wrote a lot of things down, some relevant to the titans and humanity’s efforts, some not. Recipes he picked up, tips from fellow soldiers and friends, advice he wished he would’ve taken. He took notes on what he learned or discovered that day, his thoughts on certain events, studies on his friends and allies, anything he noticed. Conversations that seemed unimportant, but would later mean the world to him. Famous last words.

_ Words of Wisdom from the 104th _

_Connie: Don’t tie your shoelaces until you’re ready to run! (Note: I wonder what that means. Connie doesn’t usually give wise advice.)_

_Jean: I am not a horse. (Note: Eren seems to be making this joke a lot.)_

_Mikasa: This world is a cruel yet beautiful place. (Note: I agree. But it’s worth fighting for, no?)_

_Levi: Life’s a bitch and then you die. Why are you asking me this shit, kid? (Note: Don’t ever ask Levi for advice again. He’s rather surly.)_

_Krista: Never give up what you love. (Note: But if you love something, should you let it go?)_

_Erwin: We will fight until we die. (Note: That’s not advice, that’s our motto.)_

He tried to organize his journals as much as possible, so it would read as something coherent and useful one day. He would place hand-drawn pictures done by Hanji or some of the others with a talent for design—sometimes even his own work. He would sneak in copies or drafts of reports, bits and pieces of their lives slipped between pages. Scientific experiments, mathematical equations, philosophical ideals were side by side with personal opinions, hopes and dreams, fears and worries, predictions of the future, successes and failings.

_Attached is a sketch Hanji did of Eren’s titan form. She tried to capture his exact musculature, since he looks so different from other titans. She theorizes maybe his normal physique influences his titan form._

_Over here are sketches of other titans she’s observed, as well as the Colossal and Armored Titans. She wanted to compare how they looked in relation to what we know about Eren and the others. I think it may have something to do with age. Youthful titans appear in better shape than older ones. Although, that’s just an unconfirmed theory._

_Looks like Sasha’s been drawing potatoes again. How did that get in here? Oh well. If I live long enough, maybe it’ll be a funny reminder of our time as trainees._

He didn’t like showing it off to people. It was secret, something that he desperately wanted to preserve. If too many people found out, it could be destroyed by those who want to keep humanity from surviving. The Military Police would rip it, burn it, and devour its contents until there was nothing left. It was personal, historical, and pivotal to the future.

But he couldn’t help but give Eren and Mikasa a glimpse. They were his best friends, his childhood, the only people he could trust. They admired his work.

“It reminds me of those books you used to always show us. The ones from your parents?” Eren murmured. They were all snuggled together on the bed, only the lamp for light.

“It was dangerous of you to take them out,” Mikasa added. “And now you’re writing one.”

Armin couldn’t read the expression on her face, but he didn’t think she was reprimanding him. He saw sadness in her eyes, but there was a fierce determination in the grim set of her mouth. Eren’s eyes were bright and hopeful. He grinned, and Armin smiled back.

***

_Today Hanji did more tests on Eren. He’s getting better, but still unpredictable. I worry about the day he can’t control his titan form. I see the way Levi looks at him. I just hope Eren can meet everyone’s high expectations. I don’t want him to fall under the weight of this responsibility of being Humanity’s Hope._

“What are you writing?” Commander Erwin whispered softly in his ear. Armin felt goose bumps rise on his skin, but smiled.

“Just some notes.” He replied casually.

Erwin crouched behind him, watching him scribble across the page. His chin rested against Armin’s shoulder. They were silent for a long time. Armin enjoyed these small moments.

_I don’t trust anyone around me. The Military Police don’t care about humanity outside of their own walls. They want to destroy Eren because they fear what he will reveal about themselves. The government is hiding something. The king is a lie. Erwin is right not to believe them. But why? Why would they cause their own demise? How do they expect to keep on living with no one to protect them from the titans…or themselves?_

“Do you think someone will read it, one day, without having to fear the titans or their own government?” Erwin asked.

Armin paused. “I have to think that.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to think this is the end. I don’t want these things to be forgotten.”

_I don’t want to be forgotten._

“I don’t want to forget you, either.” The commander kissed him on the cheek, gently, and Armin closed his eyes. “Let me memorize you.”

Armin stopped writing. In order to achieve a future, he had to live in the present. Besides, this could be the only time he got with the Commander.

_We’re going on an expedition tomorrow, and there is no guarantee either of us will be coming back._

* * *

Being a commander meant leading humanity to its doom or victory. There was no in-between. They would survive, or they would fall. That’s all he hoped for, that’s all he dared to believe.

Erwin Smith refused to be forgotten. He wasn’t going to be a nameless figure in humanity’s history. When they spoke of this time— _if_ they spoke at all—they would utter his name in either revulsion or wonder. Awe-inspiring words would motivate generations to thrive under the worst circumstances. Curses would be spat upon his grave.

He would take either option, just as long as they knew his name. Just as long as they knew what he did for them, his efforts to aid humanity, his sacrifices and achievements.

Of course, it would all be pointless if they didn’t survive. He wasn’t sure why he cared so much. His contributions would be meaningless if there was no one left behind to read the story.

When he saw Armin writing, he felt a deep longing, a desperate plea for a future. He wanted someone to read it. He wanted someone to _know_.

***

As he lay dying, just another body on the battlefield, he reached out.

Armin was there beside him, clutching his one arm, crying and staring down in terror. Tears splattered his torn uniform. Armin’s choked sobs were the only thing he heard. Screams and singing blades faded.

“You can’t leave me. You can’t die now.” Armin pleaded.

“Armin…”

“No, you have to survive. We can’t go on without you, Commander!”

“Arlert…Hanji is your commander now.”

“You’ve done so much for us, you knew so much. You protected Eren, you stopped the Military Police from killing us all. What will we do without you?” Armin was shrieking, hysterical.

Despite the pain, Erwin smiled. His hand moved to wipe a tear from Armin’s cheek.

“You know what to do, Armin. I trust you. I knew one day you would surpass me, I just never thought it would be this soon.” He joked lightly. He coughed, wincing. Before Armin could start wailing again, he spoke again. He didn’t have much time left, and he wanted to get this out. “Promise me something.”

Armin squeezed his eyes shut, nodding and burying his face in Erwin’s hand.

“Don’t forget me.” Erwin’s voice was failing, a whispering breeze.

“Never. I’ll never forget you. I’ll make sure no one will.” The young soldier replied fiercely.

Erwin smiled again, and the expression remained frozen on his face long after his passing.

* * *

Armin filled the pages of his journal with the name of Erwin Smith, Commander of the Scouting Legion.

_Day 35:_

_Erwin likes the color blue. He smells like sweat and perseverance, pages from his reports, days spent in council meetings with rich nobles who are too ignorant to understand the situation he lives in._

_And I love him._

_Day 40:_

_Today we strategized about using Eren to take back the Wall. Erwin thinks having a titan on our side is a good thing, though he’s wary about what the Military Police will do. I see the look in his eyes when he’s planning, and sometimes I wonder what’s inside his mind._

_Day 43:_

_We had sex last night for the first time. I never thought I’d lose my virginity to the Commander of the Scouting Legion. He’s strong, but gentle. He held me in his arms after and I fell asleep. I wish I could’ve lasted longer, so we could talk. When I woke up, he smiled but said nothing._

_Day 55:_

_We can’t discuss it outside of his bedroom. Or office. Or empty barns during training. I guess he doesn’t want people to know about us, though I don’t really care. What could they do to us? Besides, everyone knows about the other couples in the squads. It’s really no secret of who’s fucking who. I tried asking him why he doesn’t want anyone to know, even though it’s a bit obvious, but he gets this look and I stop asking._

_Day 62:_

_He scares me sometimes. He’s so desperate for freedom and power. I worry about his motives, but I know he’s doing what he thinks is right. He’s the smartest person I know. If anyone can defeat the titans and save the world from greed and human error, he can. I just hope he doesn’t lose himself in the process._

 

_Day 103:_

_He died in my arms today. I wonder if I felt like that in his arms that first night we had together._

***

Years later, long after the time when humanity received a grim reminder, there was a book discovered in the rubble of some ruins. It was old, dirty, tattered; bound haphazardly, with some sheets slipping free. The large volume was one of the only things left of humanity’s past. The book contained letters, reports, scraps of uniforms, pictures…mementos of all those who lived and died around him.

_If anyone is reading this, I just want to say I tried. I hope my family is proud of me. –Marco Bodt_

_Mikasa, I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m in love with you. Eren is a jerk, you shouldn’t stick around with him all the time. At least, that’s what I’d say if I ever got the nerve. Or the chance. –Jean Kirstein_

_Levi is a good captain. We don’t tell him often enough, but we really like being in his squad. We trust him, he’s a good leader, he’s strong, “the strongest” even. No matter where he came from, we’re glad he’s here now. (Oluo) I really respect Captain Levi. He’s done a lot for me, and deep down he’s a really great person. He may seem mean or cold at times, but I know he cares, he just doesn’t show it. My father thinks I should marry him, but I don’t know if he’s the kind of guy to settle down. (Petra) If there’s anyone I trust in this shithole, it’s Captain Levi. Seeing him fight humbles me…but not much. I mean, he’s so fast because he’s a runt. (Erd) It’s obvious Captain Levi is Humanity’s Strongest. I knew it even before the day he asked me to join his squad. (Gunther) –The Special Operations Squad a.k.a Squad Levi!_

It told the story of the 104th Scouting Legion, and how they fought for humanity’s future. It started with a note about the book’s author, a brief history of his life up until his death. Old age. It was in his writing, especially on those last pages.

_My name is Armin Arlert. I am a soldier of the Survey Corps. This is my story._

It ended with a simple message: forget me not.

Every day, Armin wrote in his journal.

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: Because Armin seems like the type to keep a journal of his genius, as well as to record memories to preserve for the future. And Erwin deserves to have his name in the history books. If you look close enough, you’ll find hints of the reincarnation AU. Also, the days are super random. Just don’t pay attention to them. Seriously please don’t.


End file.
